HOw To Offend An entire Coastline: Tourist Blunders In Greece And Turkey

 In a few days, I’ll be pushing off from the ancient shores of Athens, Greece, to start a ten-day cruise throughout the Greek islands, Ephesus, and Istanbul. I have always wanted to see Greece, especially the biblical sites like Athens, and the exotic Greek islands. Istanbul has as much Christian history as any place on earth, and the Apostle Paul spent a considerable amount of time in Ephesus.

So, as you can imagine, I’ve been watching travel documentaries about these sites and learning Greek and Turkish customs – what to do and not to do.  

Based on my extensive (smile) research, I have compiled a list of the top ten things to avoid in these locations. Keep this article handy if you ever travel to any of these destinations. 

So, here we go, Seven Social No-Nos for tourists traveling to Greece and Turkey.

Number Ten

Don’t ask a Turkish carpet seller for a discount because you saw his carpet on Amazon. He might just roll you up in the carpet and toss you into the sea, never to be seen again.

Number Nine

Don’t assume every beach is clothing optional. Americans are friendly people, but let’s not get too friendly. Plus, have you seen Mediterranean people? They have gorgeous natural tans, and you will look like a beached albino whale.

Number Eight

Don't eat at an American fast-food place while in Europe, for Pete's sake! And, don’t always dine in the tourist area of a town or city. For the love of God, try something new just once. If you want the same old, same old, go to Ocean City. 

Number Seven

Don’t try to haggle prices at every store in Turkey. Attempting to lower the cost of Tylenol at a local pharmacy will earn you disapproving looks. “Stupid American tourists!” You also won’t be able to talk down an Uber driver. Haggling is only for markets. By the way, most Uber drivers don’t drive black SUVs. They work for various cab companies, which are yellow, turquoise, blue, and orange. 

Number Six

Don’t climb on ancient ruins like they’re a jungle gym. Doing this is like dancing on the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Arlington Cemetery. You don’t want to be the person remembered in future history books as the one who knocked over the marble pillar that has stood in the Agora for 2500 years. And do not pose like a Greek god or goddess, please!

Number Five

Don’t wear a bikini with a cover-up to a mosque tour. Women attending Muslim worship are expected to wear head coverings, pants, or robes with no exposed ankles. This isn’t a beach day in Santorini. Leave your cocktail dress on the boat. Muslim worship makes Christian worship services look like a frat party.

Number Four

Don’t ask for bacon at a Turkish breakfast or anywhere else in Turkey, for that matter. Pork is strictly forbidden in the Muslim faith. I could never be a Muslim for that reason alone. There will be plenty of other delicious options, though I doubt Fruit Loops or Pop-Tarts will be among them. 

Number Three

Don’t assume everyone speaks English, or should speak English. Many people in the world do speak English, but many more do not. A lot of people live in China and India in areas where they have hardly heard more than their local dialect. Many Europeans speak English; many others do not. American tourists sometimes think everyone speaks English because they only visit tourist spots where locals are expected to know English.

Number Two

Don’t call the “ship” a “boat” around the ship’s employees. They prefer to think of their vessel as a ship. But I just kind of like calling it a boat, so I need to be careful where I say such things. Cruise ships look like big, gaudy, oversized boats with fancy paint jobs to me.

Number One

Don’t call Greek Yogurt “Greek” yogurt in Greece! It’s just yogurt. Any yogurt you eat in Greece will be Greek. Ordering Greek yogurt in Greece is like ordering American cheese in Wisconsin.

Well, this is what I have learned so far. In a few days, we will see if my list of ten is accurate, and I’m sure I’ll discover several other tourist mistakes over the next two weeks. I’ll let you know what new ones I find. Or, even better, you could take me on your next cruise as a guide. I only require a nice suite with a veranda and plenty of local delicacies. 

 Do you have any advice as I embark on this adventure next Monday?  I’m all ears. As usual, I’ll post some videos of my travels on Facebook.

Live Inspired!

Don Mark