Do Your Life Goals Align With Your Best Moments?

I recently started a project I read about in an outstanding book on setting goals. In one chapter, author Jon Acuff explains that we sometimes set goals for ourselves that do not align with our “real” selves. We then head down a path only to discover that we are not enjoying the trip; it might be because we don’t really want to achieve our objective. When this happens to you, abandoning or seriously modifying your goal is okay.

On the other hand, it might be wiser to become more self-aware, so we don’t pursue dreams that end up unfulfilling. This situation reminds me of the old saying, “Be careful what you wish for; you just might get it.” So, how can we set goals that provide what we want out of life?

Acuff suggests an exercise that is simple but effective. He instructs readers to start a “Best Moments” list. One of the most effective ways to determine where you want to go is to mine your past. Your past tells the story of what is important to you and, therefore, what you should pursue. Start a list of the best moments of your life as far back as you can remember. My list is presently up to one hundred and fifty moments, and I’m still going strong.

All moments can be placed into one of four categories, though some may have a primary and a secondary placement. The best moments categories are experiences, accomplishments, relationships, and objects. Virtually every one of your moments will fit into one of these. Some remembrances will contain something significant, like graduating from college. Others are small but memorable situations. One minor but special moment for me was fishing with my parents in a small boat on Dewart Lake in northern Indiana. Mom always caught more fish than dad and I combined because she had more patience, so my father and I developed one hundred excellent excuses for this phenomenon.

Once you have completed your list, go back through it and label every item into one of the four categories. I used four different colored highlighters for mine. I started with eighty best moments, and here is how mine calculations looked. Fifty percent of my best moments were primarily relational! Experiences account for thirty-one percent, accomplishments sixteen, and finally, objects came in at only two percent. You’ll notice my list totals more than one hundred percent because some items include both primary and secondary importance.

So, what did I learn about Don Mark? Simple: people are primary! Even most of my experiences secondarily have relational elements. I highly value experiences when I am with someone. Most of my accomplishments were not solo projects, and objects of importance are usually connected to people.

People and experiences make me happy. What does that tell me about the kinds of goals I should make? It seems strange that I have chosen to be a writer since much of this craft is solitary. Writing a book was one of the most challenging things I’ve ever pursued, so I consider it a significant accomplishment. However, I can only write for three or four hours before I get stir-crazy and need to call someone. I often read what I have just written to that person. This gives even writing a relational element.

I think you will find that creating and analyzing your best moments list will increase your self-awareness. You will have the story of yourself before you, and this will help you create goals in line with what you value. The exercise will also tell you how to develop goals outside your sweet spot that still contain elements of what you value most. This greatly enhances your chances of accomplishing something necessary but not your favorite. It also helps you determine why you have abandoned particular objectives.

Thanks to Jon Acuff for proposing this exercise. It was obviously valuable enough for me that I wanted to share it with you. I hope it works as well for you.

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Live Inspired!

Don Mark